On Focusing on the Positive vs the Negative

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“It cannot be helpful to ruminate and focus only on what you did wrong. Or only on what was done wrong to you. It will surely make you doubt that you will find the best way to a happier place. It will certainly slow you down. It will make you act in ways that hinder your progress toward happier places. If you are not going to listen to me and instead continue to dwell in the negative…then it is only fair that you devote at least the same amount of time to dwelling on the positive. I guarantee you that positive wins over negative. It is not acceptable to just think about the negative past experience or what it means about you. The longer you wait to take positive action or to release negative action the more layers of, what I call, crud that are created. You will create layers of crud that will cloud your ability to more quickly achieve your dreams and goals. This crud affects your ability to see great solutions as immediately available and can skew the way you process all kinds of past and present experiences. It can actually cause you to make certain decisions that directly affect your future. Choices that will not be made with the clarity of happiness. The crud of negativity and emotional deprivation is never going to be helpful for you. Choose the easier route—to allow yourself to be happy. That’s right I used the word ALLOW. That is because happiness can be realized even without labored action. It is realized by no longer tolerating negative environments. It is realized by no longer holding on to past experiences in a way that is negative. While it may not feel that way right now or when you’re in a particular situation. It really takes little effort to decide NOT to dwell or to decide to NOT self-criticize. It takes little time and effort to just stop beating yourself up about what you DID or SHOULD HAVE done. Indeed, one of the many beauties of happiness is that it also works like a surgeon. When you have happiness…it almost secretly removes the crud with little pain or tribulation. When you choose to be happy and to not be hindered by negativity in any form you will see INCREDIBLE and IMMEDIATE results.”

Processing Criticism Beneficially

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“Many people find it hard to except the reality that they control their future. They just do not think that there’s any kind of machine that will do anything that is really significant for them. They say they have no control over their environment, rather, they argue their environment controls them! Exemplified by statements like ‘There’s no possible escape from this job!’ or ‘I have to tolerate this professional personal situation’ or ‘I have to compromise this,’ or ‘I have to do that.’

Perhaps the stress and negative perceptions of past experiences makes a person feel as though, they are stuck in their present job or imprisoned in a relationship that they know is not satisfying. Perhaps they inadvertently compound their misperceptions with a processing of their past misfortunes as a reflection on their decision making abilities. Perhaps they believe they’re a victim of circumstance. Maybe they’ve manufactured the perception they can’t do better. This creationism renders them with a feeling of powerlessness to change their position in a way that enhances their lives and brings them more happiness. In some, many see the obstacles and NOT the opportunities.

Often, this feeling of being stuck in a position or in thinking of the worst from a situation comes from culture, your background, or your present environment. The environment in which you grew up, the attitudes of families and friends…imprints you with certain belief systems. For most, these environments, even if they’re very loving were not always positive—as people seem to always focus on telling you what you did NOT do. For example, criticisms about how you dress or look. Or attacks focusing on reminding you of what you DID or DID NOT do or over-criticisms of how you performed. Perhaps you faced environments that were militant or made condescending judgments about how you feel. Or you were unfairly judged. Or you were unproductively criticized for your decisions.

Perhaps people were telling you what you should have done, with negative commentary that wasn’t given with any positive encouragement or any explanation for why you’ve made the mistake. There are also over-controlling environments that make you feel as though your opinion does not matter such as requirements that you only date or marry one kind of person. Or that you have only one kind of job. Or criticism of your feelings without ANY explanation. Or refusal to talk about things or admit when they may be wrong. Using negative reinforcement, not serving as a role model for you, making your identity based on money or materialism. It goes on and on. But I’m sure some of you have seen those environments.

There’s also environments that lack proper structure or encouragement about how to achieve great goals. They could be riddled with negative behavior such as yelling at you, condescending behavior toward you, failing to take time to know and understand you. Acting impatient or displaying conduct that shows you they are being selfish or self-absorbed. Or that they are showing indifference or being emotionally unavailable. Perhaps there’s disrespect shown toward you or other negative reinforcement. It is virtually impossible to come through these environments with the most self-confidence and an always positive attitude. I’m not here to criticize the person or persons who may have created those environments. I’m simply illustrating the reasonableness of how and why you feel the way you do now. It is a reality that much more time was spent on what you did NOT do; much less time was spent on what you DID do.

In recognizing your accomplishments, recognizing your awards, and reinforcing how good you are. Indeed, you may have found that some achievements were inadvertently not even recognized and at times, when you did achieve, it seemed like it was expected instead of acknowledged. So no words of reward or encouragement were brought forth. Likely, if you were to be recognized for an achievement it was only when you did something they considered EXTRAORDINARY.”

Really recognizing your accomplishments

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The foundation of any success is built upon honest recognition of your goodness and your capabilities. Start with a real recognition of your accomplishments. Take time to specifically identify what you have accomplished during your lifetime. And understand that when I talk about the word accomplishments, they also mean the steps you have utilized to complete to get to a goal—the steps along the way. There is no rating system that says you don’t include whatever you consider to be small accomplishments. You know, too many people focus on the end goal and don’t realize how many things you’ve done along the way to reach the ultimate goal. This important step of identification of your greatness deserves acknowledgement. For example, you may have eventually left a job and thought you were unhappy about it or that somehow you didn’t succeed, but I guarantee you that you can identify what you DID do—what you DID contribute during that job—and what you learned. A relationship may have ended, and you think it was all bad or it was your fault or their fault, but I assure you, you can identify some great things that you enjoyed and contributions which you made and things that you learned which will be helpful in the future. Additionally, there are always accomplishments in the education you gathered about yourself and your tendencies whether you choose to admit it or not. In other words, you learn about what you TEND to do, how you TEND to decide in a certain way, what motivates you to do certain things. I will go even further and tell you that an accomplishment can be derived from what you thought was a failure. I can tell you the word FAILURE is not in MY dictionary, it shouldn’t be in yours either! Thus, you should include personal and professional accomplishments in order to recognize your goodness. Now we’re focusing on all accomplishments. List them ALL. It may take time. But I guarantee you that there will be reward in actually writing down and seeing your list of accomplishments. Be honest with yourself. Give due recognition to every achievement. This is about what you HAVE done and the significant good in you. I want you to identify ALL that you have achieved and ALL that you are.

How You Feel

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aticle-1-imgI use the phraseology ‘How You Feel’ because people generally avoid dealing with how they really feel even though they want to feel a certain way. Your mind, filled with the perceptions that you have processed through a clouded lens, tells you it will be painful or time consuming to deal with a problem or with your real concerns, or to secure your real dreams. However, rather ironically, it is actually more difficult and takes more energy to work to avoid dealing with things.

It takes more energy to mask reality and it always makes you feel uncomfortable when something occurs where your feelings are in anyway involved. If you are a person of character, you would not knowingly lie to someone. So why lie to yourself? Your soul machine is designed to create happiness and joy. It is designed to put out more than what you put in it. Thus, let’s put some great stuff in the machine—because it will give us even more greatness in return. Just as your soul machine can create increasing levels of frustration, anger, or sadness. So too, can it create magnified happiness and joy.

When Acknowledging your accomplishments…

aticle-1-imgIt shows that you do so many things right and allows you to see many things that are worthy of recognition.

It’s a tribute to you regarding the volume and magnitude of your accomplishments to date.

It shows you’re fully capable of creating successes and happiness and arms you with valuable information about the things that make you happy.

It shows that any present concern can be dwarfed by the reality that you’re a successful person in many ways—and that you can conquer anything that’s challenging or troubling you.

It demonstrates that any goals are achievable, and it empowers you with a framework for building upon that success with your development of new goals.

It productively exposes how often we forget or devalue the positive things in our life. Read more

Acknowledging your accomplishments will empower you.

aticle-2-imgJust as when you work a muscle it s stronger, so it is also true that recognizing your accomplishments strengthens your focus on positive movement. Acknowledging your accomplishments empowers you in many positive ways, allowing you to increase your accomplishments. This is perhaps the most revealing thing you will learn: Your old thinking patterns can cloud the way you think; you may not be taking enough credit for yourself! Read more

The Three Pillars of Happiness.

aticle-3-imgPerspective cleans and readies you (your soul machine) in a way that will more productively process information. It shows you how to be solution-oriented in your thinking, and to view things in a more positive manner. It helps frame better decision making. It positions your state of mind in a way that looks to place you in happier environments. Read more

Recipe For Happiness…

aticle-4-imgFocus on how you’re progressing, not where you’re failing. Focus on taking actions that improve your environment and solidify positive thinking processes. Be honest with yourself, and seek out relationships that bring real and sustained happiness—not ones that constantly involve manipulation, compromise and stress. Read more