Create Your Own Happiness

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“Happiness can be immediately realized. It does not as many say, always necessarily require a process or a certain period of time. Those who hold on to the ‘it will take a great deal of time’ philosophy are either in denial or simply not yet aware of the actual power that each of us possesses to define our present and achieve our future. The ‘it will take time’ belief system also devalues and misunderstands what constitutes progress or achievement. Attitudes are contagious…is yours worth catching? I challenge you to be the best person you can be, embrace that opportunity.

Utilize the layers of meaning in this book to empower you in every way. As you read this book over and over and you read certain sections you will find deeper and deeper meaning in some of the phrases. You will feel your power through the courage utilized in treating your experiences as instructive guides instead of destructive inhibitors. You have the knowledge and perspective to adjust your previous perception of your prior experiences—to the right way—that makes them instructive and not indelibly painful. You possess the strength right now to evaluate and honestly determine your real goals. You can feel the ease in establishing a plan and taking positive, confidence building action to achieve whatever happiness you desire. Indeed, never again will you face an experience that you consider as permanently indelible or impossible to resolve in a positive way.

Awesome isn’t it? You will now be able to evaluate each past experience that you originally consider painful in a way that educates you as to how and why you think the way you do. It will empower you not disable you. See an easier way to appreciate the value you derive from past experiences. Empower yourself with the experiences. Do NOT allow them to disable you. Apply the information you learned about yourself, your tendencies, your typical decision making process and why you think the way you do.”

On Focusing on the Positive vs the Negative

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“It cannot be helpful to ruminate and focus only on what you did wrong. Or only on what was done wrong to you. It will surely make you doubt that you will find the best way to a happier place. It will certainly slow you down. It will make you act in ways that hinder your progress toward happier places. If you are not going to listen to me and instead continue to dwell in the negative…then it is only fair that you devote at least the same amount of time to dwelling on the positive. I guarantee you that positive wins over negative. It is not acceptable to just think about the negative past experience or what it means about you. The longer you wait to take positive action or to release negative action the more layers of, what I call, crud that are created. You will create layers of crud that will cloud your ability to more quickly achieve your dreams and goals. This crud affects your ability to see great solutions as immediately available and can skew the way you process all kinds of past and present experiences. It can actually cause you to make certain decisions that directly affect your future. Choices that will not be made with the clarity of happiness. The crud of negativity and emotional deprivation is never going to be helpful for you. Choose the easier route—to allow yourself to be happy. That’s right I used the word ALLOW. That is because happiness can be realized even without labored action. It is realized by no longer tolerating negative environments. It is realized by no longer holding on to past experiences in a way that is negative. While it may not feel that way right now or when you’re in a particular situation. It really takes little effort to decide NOT to dwell or to decide to NOT self-criticize. It takes little time and effort to just stop beating yourself up about what you DID or SHOULD HAVE done. Indeed, one of the many beauties of happiness is that it also works like a surgeon. When you have happiness…it almost secretly removes the crud with little pain or tribulation. When you choose to be happy and to not be hindered by negativity in any form you will see INCREDIBLE and IMMEDIATE results.”

Processing Criticism Beneficially

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“Many people find it hard to except the reality that they control their future. They just do not think that there’s any kind of machine that will do anything that is really significant for them. They say they have no control over their environment, rather, they argue their environment controls them! Exemplified by statements like ‘There’s no possible escape from this job!’ or ‘I have to tolerate this professional personal situation’ or ‘I have to compromise this,’ or ‘I have to do that.’

Perhaps the stress and negative perceptions of past experiences makes a person feel as though, they are stuck in their present job or imprisoned in a relationship that they know is not satisfying. Perhaps they inadvertently compound their misperceptions with a processing of their past misfortunes as a reflection on their decision making abilities. Perhaps they believe they’re a victim of circumstance. Maybe they’ve manufactured the perception they can’t do better. This creationism renders them with a feeling of powerlessness to change their position in a way that enhances their lives and brings them more happiness. In some, many see the obstacles and NOT the opportunities.

Often, this feeling of being stuck in a position or in thinking of the worst from a situation comes from culture, your background, or your present environment. The environment in which you grew up, the attitudes of families and friends…imprints you with certain belief systems. For most, these environments, even if they’re very loving were not always positive—as people seem to always focus on telling you what you did NOT do. For example, criticisms about how you dress or look. Or attacks focusing on reminding you of what you DID or DID NOT do or over-criticisms of how you performed. Perhaps you faced environments that were militant or made condescending judgments about how you feel. Or you were unfairly judged. Or you were unproductively criticized for your decisions.

Perhaps people were telling you what you should have done, with negative commentary that wasn’t given with any positive encouragement or any explanation for why you’ve made the mistake. There are also over-controlling environments that make you feel as though your opinion does not matter such as requirements that you only date or marry one kind of person. Or that you have only one kind of job. Or criticism of your feelings without ANY explanation. Or refusal to talk about things or admit when they may be wrong. Using negative reinforcement, not serving as a role model for you, making your identity based on money or materialism. It goes on and on. But I’m sure some of you have seen those environments.

There’s also environments that lack proper structure or encouragement about how to achieve great goals. They could be riddled with negative behavior such as yelling at you, condescending behavior toward you, failing to take time to know and understand you. Acting impatient or displaying conduct that shows you they are being selfish or self-absorbed. Or that they are showing indifference or being emotionally unavailable. Perhaps there’s disrespect shown toward you or other negative reinforcement. It is virtually impossible to come through these environments with the most self-confidence and an always positive attitude. I’m not here to criticize the person or persons who may have created those environments. I’m simply illustrating the reasonableness of how and why you feel the way you do now. It is a reality that much more time was spent on what you did NOT do; much less time was spent on what you DID do.

In recognizing your accomplishments, recognizing your awards, and reinforcing how good you are. Indeed, you may have found that some achievements were inadvertently not even recognized and at times, when you did achieve, it seemed like it was expected instead of acknowledged. So no words of reward or encouragement were brought forth. Likely, if you were to be recognized for an achievement it was only when you did something they considered EXTRAORDINARY.”

On Being Around Positive People

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“When others provide good suggestions, consider how they can help you. Recognize the benefits they can provide. They obviously care or no words would be spoken. They’re likely just trying to do their best to cheer you up, regardless of whether they have an exact understanding on how to best help you.

You are very worthy and important and no experience you perceive as negative nor any criticism will change that reality. However, if you believe that someone is being insensitive or engaging in actions that make you feel worse—it would be healthy to seriously reevaluate your relationship with that person.

Being angry or negative about someone’s attempts to lend support is surely not what you stand for, nor beneficial to your resolution of the situation. In fact, as noted later, anger is a wasted emotion. A state of being that cost you energy with little benefit and much detriment. You certainly do not feel better after you’ve made such comments.

The only thing anger DOES Do is show that you are holding onto some negative feelings. Anger reflects the bursting out of those repressed feelings through abrasive, reactive behavior. It is equally unhelpful to emotionally shutdown or otherwise hold some or all of your feelings inside. For those that wish to hold on to their shut down pattern, I simply ask you to show me how productive it is to hold back your real feelings. Show me how it’s beneficial to suppress your real desires because of some perceived fear that it might someday in the future, somehow result, in hurt to you. I want to learn more about how THAT is productive and how that is better than expressing how you feel in a way that works. Be you for you and don’t emotionally shutdown.”

When Acknowledging your accomplishments…

aticle-1-imgIt shows that you do so many things right and allows you to see many things that are worthy of recognition.

It’s a tribute to you regarding the volume and magnitude of your accomplishments to date.

It shows you’re fully capable of creating successes and happiness and arms you with valuable information about the things that make you happy.

It shows that any present concern can be dwarfed by the reality that you’re a successful person in many ways—and that you can conquer anything that’s challenging or troubling you.

It demonstrates that any goals are achievable, and it empowers you with a framework for building upon that success with your development of new goals.

It productively exposes how often we forget or devalue the positive things in our life. Read more

Acknowledging your accomplishments will empower you.

aticle-2-imgJust as when you work a muscle it s stronger, so it is also true that recognizing your accomplishments strengthens your focus on positive movement. Acknowledging your accomplishments empowers you in many positive ways, allowing you to increase your accomplishments. This is perhaps the most revealing thing you will learn: Your old thinking patterns can cloud the way you think; you may not be taking enough credit for yourself! Read more

The Three Pillars of Happiness.

aticle-3-imgPerspective cleans and readies you (your soul machine) in a way that will more productively process information. It shows you how to be solution-oriented in your thinking, and to view things in a more positive manner. It helps frame better decision making. It positions your state of mind in a way that looks to place you in happier environments. Read more

Recipe For Happiness…

aticle-4-imgFocus on how you’re progressing, not where you’re failing. Focus on taking actions that improve your environment and solidify positive thinking processes. Be honest with yourself, and seek out relationships that bring real and sustained happiness—not ones that constantly involve manipulation, compromise and stress. Read more